


Their Game

by PrimeMinisterofEverything (Evierosie02)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Auror Harry Potter, Cheating Harry, Desperate Harry, Healer Draco Malfoy, M/M, Muggle London, Post-Hogwarts, Quidditch Player Ginny Weasley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23861554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evierosie02/pseuds/PrimeMinisterofEverything
Summary: Harry and Draco have an interesting relationship, one Draco isn't really proud of or happy with. Will Draco be strong enough to end things or will he fall into the vicious cycle? Will Harry ever change anything or is he also bound to some sort of sick fate?This was inspired by the song midnight love by girl in red.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 5
Kudos: 81





	Their Game

**Author's Note:**

> So, first off thank you Curious_catss for commenting on my last story, and here's my newest one, which was honestly pretty hard to write. It just made me so sad to write a cheating Harry but after hearing the song midnight love, I just couldn't put the thought down. So, I wrote it. I hope you like it and please enjoy it!

It was August 3rd, 2000, the day Ginny Weasley would leave for her week-long quidditch tournament in Germany. Most of the time Draco wouldn’t care when these quidditch tournaments were. He hadn’t even been to a game since Hogwarts. However, this wasn’t just the day Ginny would be leaving, it was also the day Harry Potter would finish his top-secret Auror case, one he had been working on for weeks.

So per their plans, Draco was waiting in a dinky little pizza shop in muggle London. It was a rather gloomy Thursday, one Draco thought rather fitting. Of course, he wanted to see Harry but seeing Harry only resurfaced the fact that Harry wasn’t his. Harry was never truly his, even though he often tried to argue that he was. 

Draco’s depressive thoughts were interrupted by the waitress, “You ready to order yet?” Quickly he looked up to her. She was a rather young girl, probably around his age. She had brown hair that framed her face nicely and a pair of thin frame glasses that distract from her nose. A rather awkward nose, that was too large for her face. It flared with impatience when Draco didn’t answer immediately, which only exaggerated its awkwardness. 

“Not quite, I’m still waiting for someone.” Draco attempted to sound passive, but it had very well been half an hour. Draco wasn’t surprised, Harry was always late. He always left Draco waiting, wondering if this would be the time he wouldn’t show. Harry always shows up, just never on time.

Draco shouldn’t have expected anything better, he knew he wasn’t Harry’s number one, let alone his number two or three. The first two have been reserved for Granger and Weasley ever since their first year, and the third is currently held by his loving Ginny. Yet, Draco always found himself hoping. He hoped that one day Harry would follow through and leave Ginny, and then he’d run up to Draco at St. Mungo’s, not giving a damn who saw, and he’d kiss him like no other. 

That was all just a dream though, and Draco knew that. He knew he should be happy with what he has. It’s not like he and Harry are anything serious. They just meet up for secret dinners and then go back to Draco’s to fuck like tomorrow. However, Draco can’t help but want more. He wants to wake up every morning with Harry in his bed with his sleepy grin. He wants to hear Harry say, “Honey, I’m home!” When he comes back from a busy mission. He wants to be the first one they call when Harry is hurt, so he doesn’t have to find out from the Daily Prophet. He wants more than anything for the whole Wizarding World to know that Harry is his, not that Weasley’s, but that won’t ever happen.

Harry has his excuses. Mostly how the Wizarding World would react if they knew he was with a former Death Eater, or how the Weasley’s would. Harry doesn’t want to hurt Ginny, especially when she’s doing so wonderful at quidditch. 

It hurts Draco to know Harry cares about them more, but what should he expect. All he is to Harry is a good shag, and Draco can’t help that he wants more.

When Harry finally walked into the dinky little pizza shop, he quickly spotted Draco and made his way towards the table. Today, Harry must have come straight from work, for he was still in his work slacks and button-up. Draco watched the way Harry’s leg muscles flexed against the material of his slacks, pulling it taut. That was one thing Draco loved about Harry being an Auror. He was amazingly fit and he filled out his Auror robes so well when he wore them. 

By the time Harry made it to the table, Draco had forgotten everything he as upset about. He’d forgotten how much he had missed Harry over the past few weeks and seeing him was like a slap to the face. It truly had been weeks since they had seen each other. Harry was so busy with work and Ginny wanted time with him before she left, so Draco was put on the back burner like always. 

Harry sat down, a small smile gracing his lips. A smile that was just for Draco. “Hey,” Harry said so cooly that Draco forgot he was supposed to answer. That usually was what happened, Draco would be so pleased with the moment to have finally seen Harry again that nothing else mattered. 

“Hey, how are you?” Draco finally asked, still enveloped in the warmth of Harry’s smile. 

Harry only continued to smile at Draco, like he always did. It always made Draco feel like they were actually together and not some affair sneaking around. “I’m good. Glad to have that case over and I’m glad to see you again.” 

When Harry said that, Draco felt the hope build up in his chest. Perhaps this will be the time, Harry will say he broke up with Ginny. However, Draco knew that moment wouldn’t come. It would have been all over the Daily Prophet if Harry had. 

Instead, Draco knew he had to respond, “Me too. I’ve missed you.” 

Harry only smiled again at Draco’s response. Just as he was about to respond, he was interrupted. “Finally ready to order?” The waitress asked, her attention turned completely to Harry. Even in the muggle world, Harry can’t stay out of the limelight. His good looks and charm make him practically irresistible, it does wonders for their restaurant service. 

After some delicate back and forth between Harry and the waitress, their order had been placed. The waitress left and it was just them again. That was all Draco wanted, he just wanted to be with Harry. 

Harry turned his attention back to Draco, the dreamy smile still present. “Has St. Mungo’s been very busy?” Harry asked, leaning across the table. His hand lightly gripping his glass of water. 

Draco was always happy when Harry asked about his job as a Healer. He knew it wasn’t much and that Harry probably did it with everyone, but that didn’t stop Draco from being excited about it. The joy lit up his eyes as he answered Harry, “No, just the usual quidditch accidents and potion mishaps.”

“That’s good,” Harry said as he brushed away the stray lock that had fallen in front of his eyes. His hair was always unruly, but today it was particularly bad. Harry was constantly running his fingers through his hair, trying to soothe it in some way. 

On the fourth or fifth attempt, Draco noticed the scar that graced the back of Harry’s left hand. It was a mangled scar, as if something was torn and then not put back together correctly. The scar, however, wasn’t too pink, it was obviously a bit older. 

Draco’s attention was caught by the scar and he quickly reached out for Harry’s hand. “What happened to your hand?” Draco’s face twisted in remorse, once viewing the scar closer. It began at his knuckles and webbed out across his hand almost reaching his wrist. 

Harry tried to act nonchalant as Draco cradled his hand, examining it. “Oh it was nothing,” Harry said as he shrugged his shoulders trying to pull his hand from Draco’s grasp. 

Draco, however, refused to relinquish Harry’s hand, as he traced his finger along the scar tissue. Draco wished they weren’t in a muggle restaurant, so he could pull out his wand and run tests on the scar. If it wasn’t cursed, there was a good chance they could get rid of the scar completely with plenty of dittany if he cut away the scar tissue. “When did this happen?” Draco asked as he finally looked up at Harry.

Harry looked uneasy as he stared into Draco’s questioning gaze. He knew his answer would upset Draco and he knew he didn’t have a good excuse. “About three or four weeks ago,” Harry admitted.

Draco felt the worry and the anger boil up inside him. He just couldn’t decide, which one he would show first. Without a decision, the anger boiled up first, as it always does. “Three or four weeks? Why didn’t you owl me?” Draco hissed, gripping Harry’s hand harshly. 

Only when Harry winced, did Draco notice his tight grip and he instantly loosened his hold. Draco attempted to soothe Harry by rubbing his hand, but this didn’t help the anxiety that was building within Harry. Harry knew where this conversation was leading and Merlin knows he doesn’t want to have it tonight. 

With his hand finally free, Harry answered, “Well, it wasn’t too big of a deal and I forgot about it.” He shrugged as he answered. Shrugging was going to be rather repetitive tonight.

“How did you forget?” Draco asked, his temper was rising and so was his voice. He was determined to not make a scene, so he lowered his voice and continued, “It must have hurt.”

Harry could see the hurt and concern in Draco’s eyes, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell him it was because Ginny was there the whole time. He knew that would only escalate the situation, so he had to lie and hope that Draco doesn’t see through it.

Harry responded with the best excuse he could think of, in the limited time available. “It didn’t hurt that bad. I was back in the field the next day,” which wasn’t a lie. It had taken no time for Harry to use the Mending charm on it. He didn’t care if it scarred over, he just needed it to heal quickly, without a visit to St. Mungo’s. Harry knew a visit to St. Mungo’s would put him off the field for a few days, and he couldn’t risk that in the middle of his big case. 

Draco seemed reluctant to accept that excuse, but luckily for Harry, he did. As soon as he accepted Harry’s reasoning, the worry poured over Draco’s expression. “I could have helped you. I am a Healer after all.” Draco’s eyes pleaded for an excuse or even assurance. 

Harry knew what Draco wanted. He wanted a promise, a promise Harry knew he couldn’t keep. He had already broken it many times and he wondered when Draco would eventually realize he couldn’t keep it. Harry didn’t value his own life enough to call a Healer or to go St. Mungo’s. Harry knew that he didn’t deserve to be the one who lived. He knew it should have been him instead of Cedric or Fred or Sirius or Lupin or Tonks. Harry knew they deserved to live, but they didn’t, so he was determined to suffer through each injury. It reminded him of his mortality. However, Harry could never tell anyone else that. They would think he was crazy and then remind him he’s the Saviour, so he shouldn’t be upset. 

His Saviour status changed nothing though, it didn’t bring back those who died. It only reminded Harry that he failed in saving the people closest to him. If he had been a real Saviour then he would have saved everyone. So, Harry decided to suffer and make empty promises to the people he loved.

“I know, if it’s ever anything big, I promise I’ll get you.” Harry conceded, but he could hear the insincerity in his voice. Harry only hoped that Draco didn’t hear it as well.

Draco barked out a laugh, one that surprised Harry, because of the hurt present in it. “That’s what you always say. Why would I expect any different?” When Draco met Harry’s eyes, Harry finally saw the emotion that rocked through Draco.

Draco was hurt and disappointed, not only in Harry but in himself. Why had he been so foolish? Harry would never tell him anything and he surely wouldn’t ever leave Ginny. Yet, here Draco was, trusting Harry and leading himself along. He must be a masochist with how much crap he’s putting himself through. 

It was just, Draco couldn’t help being hopeful. He wanted to believe Harry, he wanted to trust him, but he knew he shouldn’t. Harry would never follow through, not for a guy like Draco. He would never be enough for Harry.

The laugh of a broken man ripped through Draco’s lungs again. He couldn’t contain his anger. He wanted to curse Harry right here in this muggle restaurant. Draco didn’t care that he would be sent to Azkaban. There was no reason not to curse Harry right here, except when Draco looked into Harry’s eyes. Draco saw the concern and the pain that clouded Harry’s expression. 

Draco suddenly felt the need to stop whatever was causing this expression on Harry’s face, so he calmed his anger. Draco knew he could never curse Harry, for Merlin’s sake, Draco couldn’t even leave him. 

Slowly Draco’s anger slipped into regret and disgust for himself. Draco knew he was a coward. He couldn’t end this with Harry, nor could he demand Harry end things with Ginny because he was a coward holding for dear life onto the only relationship he’s had. Even if he knows he shouldn’t and that the relationship is so toxic. However, this wasn’t the place for that, so Draco composed himself, as he looked into Harry’s scared expression. 

When their eyes met, Harry felt the need to fix this situation. He knew he had royally screwed everything about tonight up. All because he couldn’t find the bollocks to break up with Ginny. Harry mustered all of his courage, as he reached across the table to grab Draco’s hand. He tried to soothe him, as he rubbed his thumb across his knuckles.

“I’m sorry.” Harry quietly breathed out. He knew his apologies were practically nothing, but he needed to help Draco. “You’re right. I should have told you.” Harry admitted as he ran his hand through his hair. An obvious nervous tick.

Draco sighed in relief, as the last remnants of his anger left him. He could never stay mad at Harry, not when Harry tries so hard to make him happy. Unable to hold a grudge, Draco finally smiled at Harry, in what felt like ages, but he knew was only a few moments. 

The waitress interrupted their soft moment with their food. She quickly placed the food down, noticing her intrusion. She only added a, “Enjoy your meal,” before she hurried off. Their moment was undoubtedly broken, so they decided to just eat. 

Harry hoped the interruption of food would permanently lead them away from their previous conversation. So their food was coupled with mundane small talk. That was until they got onto the interesting conversation of what Harry had been doing in his case. Something he wasn’t supposed to talk about with non-Aurors, but frankly, he didn’t care. What could Draco even do with the information?

“So, Dolohov is finally back behind bars?” Draco asked. He was personally rather relieved. Dolohov in Azkaban meant one less Death-Eater coming after him because his family was full of blood traitors. A problem that was a lot larger than he would like to admit, but he’d never tell Harry that. Draco was certain Harry would personally murder all the people that went after Draco, which would end up with Harry in Azkaban himself. So, Draco just didn’t tell Harry about them, it was for the best, and Draco could handle himself anyways. He wasn’t some maiden that Harry has to rescue. 

However, that doesn’t sound like the worst thing to Draco and he couldn’t help but imagine it partly. How easy things would be for them if Draco was some maiden, that had no ties to Death Eaters, but of course, it was never that easy. 

Draco was broken from his thought induced stupor by Harry, as he asked, “Hey, everything okay?” 

Draco shook the loose thoughts from his head, as he tried to think of a good excuse for his dazed state. He only managed, “Sorry, just thinking about work,” in response. 

“Ah, something interesting?” Harry questioned, clearly believing Draco’s excuse. 

Quickly Draco had to come up with an answer, for his thoughtless lie. Draco thought swiftly and decided on his most interesting story from work today. “Ah yeah, A 5-year-old girl accidentally hexed her femur into pudding, and we have no clue how.” That was true, the whole staff spent hours trying to get it back into bone, which is increasingly hard when they don’t know how the patient did it. That, however, didn’t stop Draco from figuring it out, which granted him some praise from his superiors. Something that didn’t happen often. 

Harry laughed at the story, a deep chuckle that even Draco could feel. It only proved to make him smile, as he considered just how silly the story must sound. “That really is something. I wonder what made the girl do it?” Harry said through his laugh. 

Draco wanted to relish in the moment of Harry laughing with not a dark thought in sight. However, Draco knew something would come up soon. It’d seem like something small, but it always snowballs into something worse, something to fight about. 

Draco was right because at that moment Harry’s phone went off. Harry had been trying to convince Draco to get one, but he just couldn’t see the necessity of one. Not when he has an owl. Harry, however, had convinced Granger and the Weasley’s to get them, which meant he had probably been contacted by Ginny or Granger.

This caused Draco’s mood to sink again because it meant their evening was probably over. There must be some incident that has come up and now Harry will leave because he will never choose Draco.   
However, still curious as to who it was, Draco asked, “Who is it?” He attempted to express curiosity more than disappointment, but he must have failed given Harry’s reaction.

Harry shoved his phone back into his pocket, as panic flashed across his face. “Oh, it’s nothing important.” Harry waved his hand to exaggerate the unimportance of the text.

“It’s always something when your phone rings.” Draco chided. He decided to turn his attention to a couple at another table. The two looked so happy with their open affection and their obvious lack of restrictions. Draco was only reminded of how troublesome his and Harry’s relationship was. He always was.

Harry tried to hide the concern from his expression as he convinced Draco that there was nothing wrong because in all honesty there wasn’t. The message had been from Ginny. She had said goodnight, but Harry didn’t want to bring up Ginny tonight. Not with how the night has gone already. 

Harry knew he had to distract Draco from it, so he said, “No it’s not. It was just a notification.” He hoped it would work since he decided to ignore Ginny.

However, Ginny didn’t seem to have the same intentions, as Harry’s phone went off again. Something Harry couldn’t hide. 

This only annoyed Draco more. “Come on just go be the hero,” Draco said with venom lacing his words. 

“No, it’s just Ginny.” 

Draco’s expression twitched at the mention of her name as jealousy washed through his eyes, but he quickly shut it off and returned to composure. “You have left plenty of times for Ginny.” A small sneer forming on Draco’s face.

Harry sighed in response, as his patience wore thin. “Okay, but I’m not tonight Draco.” Harry tried to keep the exasperation from his voice. He knew Draco would pick this whole thing apart until they were both upset.

Draco hated Harry’s exasperated tone. It always made him feel like he was being unreasonable as if Draco had no reason to be upset and no matter what Draco told himself, he could never shake that feeling. So Draco sat there, pissed at Harry, and feeling as if he couldn’t express it because it was immature or unreasonable. This only fueled the anger in his response. “Why not tonight Harry?” Draco practically spat out Harry’s name like it was rotten and his tone was riddled with venom. “What’s so different tonight?” Draco’s tone was rising and he could barely keep himself from bolting up and leaving. 

Harry only sighed again. He was so done with this, and he knew it was all his fault. He knew it could all be solved if he made a decision, but apparently, his Gryffindor courage was left at Hogwarts, because he couldn’t bring himself to choose. It just seemed like such a big decision, because sure he’d be happy with Ginny and he loved the Weasley’s, but he would always remember what he had with Draco. 

It was something he’d never felt before, he could show Draco all of him, all of his nightmares and scars, his doubts and fears, and he didn’t have to deal with the worry. Hermione, Ron, and Ginny always tried to get him to see someone about them or they would excuse his behavior because he’s the hero, but Draco never did that. Draco just helps him get past it and Harry helps Draco get past his and there were no judgements or excuses. 

However, Harry knew that his friends wouldn’t respond well if he left Ginny for Draco even if they knew he was bisexual. They would never accept Draco, not after everything from Hogwarts, even if Draco really had changed. There was just too much bad blood between them all, especially after Fred’s death. So, Harry took the easy way out and teetered the line between the two, never committing to either. 

Harry knew that it made him weak and a complete idiot, but he still wasn’t brave enough. That’s why he came up with excuses like, “I just want to be with you without interruption. It’s been so long.” 

Harry heard the mistake in his words, but before he could correct himself, Draco had already spit out a response, “Oh, do you not usually want to be with me? Am I not good enough for Harry Potter?”

Harry’s expression was riddled with fear. He was so afraid everything was going to fall apart right in his hands. He attempted to salvage the situation with his response, “Draco, please. I love you and of course, you’re good enough.” 

Draco’s expression softened at the phrase, I love you, it always reminded him of the first time. He had never expected it and he always assumed Harry had only wanted a physical relationship, which he convinced himself he was okay with. However, one day Draco was staring into Harry’s beautiful green eyes that complimented his idiotic little crooked grin so well and the words slipped out with a breath. A breath Draco tried to stop but he couldn’t. He was filled with fear for what felt like ages until Harry’s surprised expression relaxed and he breathed the words back. Draco was pretty sure he floated through the rest of the week on cloud 9, simply from the sheer bliss of the whole thing. 

However, the anger that boiled in the pit of Draco’s stomach reminded him of the situation and sobered him. He knew he couldn’t let this go on. He didn’t want to be a secret affair. Draco wanted better, he hoped he deserved better, but maybe he didn’t. Maybe this was his punishment for taking the Dark Mark. Draco hoped that wasn’t true, he hoped Harry would choose him and prove his inner thoughts wrong. Draco wished Harry would just take him and tell him that he only wanted Draco and that Draco deserved him and he’d never leave him. Draco knew that would never happen, so he let the anger boil. He let it ripple through him, controlling his responses. “Do you love Ginny too?” Draco finally spat.

The question took Harry by surprise, he hadn’t expected it and he surely didn’t know what to say. Sure, he knew he loved her like family, but he didn’t know any more than that, and he surely didn’t know what to tell Draco. This left him staring at Draco, his mouth gaping like a fish as he searched for a proper response. 

Harry’s gaping only proved one thing for Draco, that Harry did love her. With that, he knew there was no reason to wait. There was no reason to continue suffering, so Draco shot up from his seat. His chair scraped roughly against the vinyl flooring, but Draco didn’t care. He was already turning to leave by the time he spat out, “Merlin, I can’t do this, I’m leaving!”

Draco was already to the door by the time Harry found the will to move, but Draco didn’t care. He wasn’t looking back. He stepped out into the downpour not caring that it was soaking him to the bone. Draco didn’t care about any of it. The only thing that ran through Draco’s brain was his anger for Harry, no for Potter. Draco was going to distance himself from it all. 

Draco let the cold rain sober him for a second before he turned to his right and headed down the poorly lit street. Draco knew he has to either walk home or find a darker alley so he could apparate. However, he was a 20-minute walk from home and he didn’t want to ruin his clothes completely, so he needed to find an alley. He surveyed the alleys as he swiftly made his way down the street.

After turning into a dark enough alley, Draco found he had lost most of his gusto from the restaurant, as he slumped against the brick wall of what seemed to be a muggle apartment. Draco stood there, listening to the rhythmic fall of the rain, as his wet hair fell into eyes and his once-crisp shirt crumpled against the wall. Draco was sure he looked as pathetic as he felt. 

For the third time that night, a curt broken laugh broke through Draco’s lips. It shattered the silence and left the air feeling empty, despite the rain that kept falling. Draco didn’t know what he was doing anymore. He felt broken and pathetic, and he knew he was. He shouldn’t have let things go on as long as they did. There was never a good ending to any of it, Draco was just lying to himself so he could live in some Potter fantasy, and he was done. 

Draco refused to believe it anymore. He refused to be Potter’s second choice. He’s not a consolation prize, because Harry can’t choose. Draco knew he should have listened to Pansy when she said to stop. That he deserved more than Potter could ever offer him. 

The problem was Draco loved Harry. They fit so well together and Draco was the silver to Harry’s gold. Sometimes it felt they were meant to be like nothing could ever go wrong if they were together, but Draco knew that was just some hallucination of his because their relationship was riddled with issues. They were always arguing because Harry wouldn’t choose and Draco couldn’t stand being second. Yet, he always went back to Harry, where there was nothing but more arguing about things he would never change because he couldn’t help himself. 

Draco was drawn to Harry like a moth to the flame. He was a poison that tasted of pumpkin juice and Draco was addicted, but he knew he had to stop. Now seemed perfect, he would walk away from Potter and never look back. Draco would rip Harry off like a bandaid and he would be done with him. 

Just as Draco had decided he was done with Harry, he heard his name. From the street, Harry had called Draco’s name, beckoning him out of hiding. Draco knew he should apparate home and try his best to forget Harry Potter’s stupid face, but he was stuck in place. 

Draco knew he should go, but he wanted to see Harry one last time. He wanted to study his face, so he could remember it, while he was gone. So, there he stood every part of his brain telling him to go, but his feet were glued to the concrete. He waited hoping Harry would look down the alley and see Draco standing there about to leave forever. He’d hope Harry would fight it, saying the things he always did, about how they’d work it out. He’d promise to leave Ginny, so they could truly be together, and Draco would believe him. So, Draco knew he should leave before Harry had a chance to sway him, but he couldn’t. 

Draco saw the Lumos before he saw Harry. Harry had his wand out and he was lighting up the alleyways as he passed them. Draco stayed completely still when the alley was lit up. He waited in anticipation for Harry to appear. 

When he came into view, Harry was drenched, his hair hanging in his face, and his jaw was set and rigid as if he was grinding his teeth. As he spotted Draco, his expression instantly flushed with relief. He made his way to Draco in 4 long strides immediately pulling him into his arms. Words poured out of his lips as he held Draco, he was unable to stop the tears that followed. 

“I’m so sorry Draco. Please don’t leave. I love you and I need you.” Harry blubbered into Draco’s hair. 

Draco stood with his back ramrod straight, as he fought the urge to embrace Harry. He knew he had to fight this. He couldn’t continue with Harry like this, always lying and sneaking around. Draco gathered his strength as he pushed Harry back, holding him by his arms. “I can’t do this anymore. We just can’t.” Draco’s whole face was wiped clean. He showed nothing, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t dare show Harry any pain. 

“No, I’m sorry. Please, we can fix this.” Harry pleaded. His face was wrought with panic and his eyes were a whirlwind of fear. 

Draco shook his head. He knew he should have left, Harry only makes it harder to apparate home. “No, I don’t think we can. We need to end this.” Draco’s voice wavered slightly at the end. He could feel his defences weakening, but he knew he couldn’t give in to the familiar loop.

Mad with panic, Harry broke from Draco’s grip and his hands flew into Draco’s hair. Harry’s lips crashed into Draco’s, moving against his fervently. “Please don’t,” Harry whispered against Draco’s lips as if the words would break if he said them too loud. 

Draco was completely shocked, and he couldn’t stop his involuntary responses. His hands gripped Harry’s shirt, wrinkling the fabric in his fist and his lips responded, slowing the kiss. The feel of Harry’s lips running against his destroyed most of Draco’s thoughts, and when Harry opened his mouth inviting him in, everything left Draco’s mind. The slow dance between them proceeded, lacking competition completely they simply moved against each other. 

Draco’s lungs burned with the need for oxygen, so he pulled away resting his forehead against Harry’s. Slowly his thoughts returned and he realized his mistake. Draco could only sigh in disappointment. What had he expected? He knew he couldn’t break this cycle.

“I’m sorry Draco,” is all Harry breathed out in his whisper. 

Draco couldn’t bring himself to respond. This was all too much. He had to leave, but he couldn’t push Harry away. 

Draco’s lack of response caused Harry to ramble out apologies. He was trying to fill the awkward void of silence that lodged itself between them. “I’ll fix this I promise,” was the end of Harry’s spiel.

“There’s nothing to fix Harry.” Draco sighed, he was completely drained from the whole night. He didn’t think he could handle anything else. He just needed to go home and take enough shots of firewhiskey to forget it all. However, Draco knew it wasn’t going to be that easy, especially with Harry holding him. 

Harry was desperate to fix everything. He couldn’t lose Draco, he needed him to keep him sane. No one understood Harry as well as Draco did, so he couldn’t lose him. “I’ll break it off with Ginny as soon as she gets back,” Harry promised. 

Draco couldn’t believe it, not after all of the other times. It was a promise that would never be fulfilled and Draco was done pretending. “You say that every time,” he finally said, a tinge of bitterness in his tone.

“I promise!” Harry pleaded, staring into Draco’s eyes. The desolation was present in Harry’s entire expression. “I can’t lose you Draco.” The only thing that didn’t display desolation was Harry’s eyes, which were full of conviction. 

For a second Draco wanted to believe Harry. He could see how much Harry meant it, but he was afraid. He was afraid of putting his heart on his sleeve only for Harry to run back to Ginny, but he wanted to believe Harry. He wanted to be able to trust Harry, but it was so hard. After all of the disappointments, Draco didn’t think his heart could handle another lie. 

Yet, there Draco was in a dark alley, held by Harry, both with swollen lips and heavy hearts. Draco knew at that moment he couldn’t walk away. Harry would always be his vice, and Draco would always return to the start. Those were the rules of the dangerous game they played.

The game where Draco was destined to live like a moth drawn to a flame, and whether he burned away was dependent on Harry. Draco only prayed that Harry would make the right decision, which that was, was unknown to Draco. For was it his punishment or his prize, to die for his crimes or to be rewarded for his deeds? It very well could have been both his punishment and his prize, a life in constant wonder and worry if he’ll go up in flames. Flames caused by the one he holds closest.

So, Draco abides by the rules of the game until his timely demise arrives. A sigh of an answer left Draco’s lips and his only response was another passionate kiss, as they were apparated away. To where Draco has no idea, it doesn’t matter. It never matters, not in their game of pain and sorrow, and of forgive and forget. Like a merry-go-round, always going up and down. Much like life. That was their game.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope you like it and I hope I didn't go overboard on the angst. Let me know what you thought of it and actually it took me forever to decide who would be the one cheating. So, do you think Harry or Draco is more likely? Let me know. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it, please check out my other works if you liked this. They aren't as depressive as this one I think, but yeah. Thank you so much!


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